hi.

19 August 2016

hi.

i have tried several times to write this post.
sometimes, i hit the backspace button so often, it's all the more discouraging. today, i feel like it's really gonna happen. here's hoping!

it's been 6 months, give or take, since i've publicly communicated with the quilting world. i've had a few of those "close" friends, within the community, reach out to me. and lately, i've received several inquires on my whereabouts, updated teaching schedules, and possible new pattern releases.

here's the whole truth.
the day before my last blog post, my daddy was diagnosed with terminal stage 4 lung cancer. the only reason my last post was actually posted, is because it was already prepped and scheduled for posting prior to our devastating news. (thank goodness.)

this year, has been nothing short of a blur. being that i'm the only one of us children in the state of georgia, i've been the kid here for my daddy. we've endured every imaginable up & down that comes with the cancer territory.

at daddy's diagnosis appointment, it was carefully explained to us that chemo wouldn't cure him. it would only be utilized as a tool to contain the cancer that had already spread. and that chemo would also be used to prolong his life. the room spun. i felt like i was watching a movie of someone else's life. i did "okay" in the oncologist's office, but the minute my daddy left my driveway, i broke down. at this very minute, i can clearly think of that day, and my heart just aches at the thought of what my children might've seen. (to be clear, it's the brokenness i speak of. i didn't hit anyone or break things. i just cried and sobbed uncontrollably for several hours.)

i know it's said often, but now i can, with every fiber of my being, shout to the masses, that "i hate cancer." experiencing this firsthand, with a parent, has to be one of the most heartbreaking things in the world. (please don't read that as a belittling statement. i know there are parents of cancerous children going through this. i'm just speaking from my own personal feelings.)

i went back & forth, for the longest time, on what is/was the "right" or "wrong" thing to say to y'all. i've recently come to realize, that there isn't a right or wrong. although, we live in a society that is offended by EVERYTHING, it's up to me on what i put out there about myself. maybe this post is more about me "getting it out" instead of me telling you where i've been. i don't know.

so, here it is.
i'm mostly a mess.
sure, some days are better than others.
sometimes, i can fake it 'til i make it.
but other times, it's all i do to not completely fall apart.

treatment weeks are hard.
the days following treatment are harder.
watching my big, strong father wither away, is harder still.
with every treatment and hospitalization, i feel like a piece of me dies.

we had a great report one prior visit. we were told that although my daddy was as sick and fragile as he was, the chemotherapy was working beautifully. we were even told that the cancer, which had spread to two main places in his body, was shrinking. the official report was that it had shrunk 50-60%. we had a glimpse of hope. i remember that day vividly as well.

the chemotherapy did start making my daddy so sick, that the oncologist suggested a "break" from treatment. even during the break, my dad was in and out of the hospital. after a while, he started to feel better. he even looked better. he was looking like my daddy again.

then, we went for another CT scan.
the results were devastating, yet again.
the official results were that the cancer was growing at an alarming rate. the exact phrasing was, "your cancer is very angry."
this is where we had the quality vs quantity conversation. yet again, another day that felt like i was watching someone else's life in a movie.

and to top it off, during his most recent hospitalization, we discovered that my daddy needed surgery to remove kidney stones.

we're all adults. we know the world can be a cruel place. we know that life isn't fair. and that we can't always get what we want. does this knowledge make things any easier whatsoever? hell no, it doesn't.

i'm sad.
i'm angry.
i'm devastated.
i'm hopeful.
i'm defeated.
i'm exhausted.
but i'm also thankful.

i've tried, several times, to picture what this situation would be like if i was still living in ohio. i thank god (& my husband) that i moved home over two years ago. well, we moved, not just i, but georgia is my home state. y'all know what i mean. anyways, i just can't grasp the notion of not being with my daddy during this time.

i really and truly try to be positive.
it's easier said than done, but i give it my all.

some positive things that i try to focus on:
--daddy is still living and fighting his cancer
--our oldest, jackson, is a freshman and he played his first game of high school football last night (they won!)
--our youngest, lindsey, is in kindergarten
--our middles, melanie & andrew, are my favorite "little" longhorn cheerleader & football player and they are now in 5th and 4th grade
--my husband holds me when i need held, cheers me up whenever i'm down, and encourages my "i need to go see my daddy right now" moments

i have recently had a desire to quilt. i think it's a form therapy i might need. maybe it'll help me feel like i can create something beautiful during this point in time. i don't really know. i'm winging it a lot these days. BUT i have actually had the itch to sit at my machine after months. i'm sure that means something, right?

i know PS I QUILT is a space where everything is supposed to be beautiful and inspiring, but life isn't always that way, is it? i can't be true to myself if i only show y'all the "highlights" of my life. and maybe i'm just being a little selfish. maybe i just need/want something back in my life that isn't entirely about cancer, my daddy, my kids, or my husband. does that make sense?

i hope this "needing to create things with fabric" feeling sticks around. i never know what i'll wake up to, so i can't make promises. if i do have the ability to sit at my machine and share it here, i will. i don't know when i'll post again, or what it'll even be about. i do know, it's just comforting knowing that i have this space to be me; wether it's good, bad, inspiring, honest, beautiful or ugly.

xo, rachel

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star cakes quilt.

14 January 2016

FQS top 10 2015
we're still celebrating with fat quarter shop for their top 10 videos of 2015.
this is the third and final project that i will be sharing for this series.
today, i'm going to talk about the star cakes quilt.

this quilt pattern was designed for fat quarter shop's shortcut quilts series.
there is an instructional youtube video that can walk you through the construction process.
chances are, if you've taken a class with me, you have heard my dislike for constructing HSTs (half square triangles) using this method.
when i was asked to do this project, i mentally groaned at the thought of making HSTs this way.
BUT don't let that put you off. keep reading!
it definitely isn't my favorite method, but i try to occasionally get out of my comfort zone in order to grow as a quilter.
i'm glad i did this time.

star cakes quilt.
i committed to making a single block.
(i have it placed on one of my design boards, so that's not a border and binding.)
download the FREE star cakes quilt pattern HERE.

although this isn't my "go to" method of making HSTs, i did enjoy the block construction.
almost every single point is perfect.
and as any quilter knows, that's a satisfaction within itself.
like, you want to sing like julie andrews from the sound of music. or is that just me? HA.

i chose to use apricot and persimmon by carina gardner for my block.
i didn't want to use a solid background.
i wanted to mix things up a bit.
i purposely picked the blacks and apricots due to the fact that my children's school mascot is the longhorns.
i'm going to finish it off with the black/grey print as the binding.

even though this is a VERY feminine take on our school colors, i know this will be a perfect mini quilt for one of my cheerleaders.
(miss melanie, our 10 year old lady longhorn.)
i thought she'd love having it hung in her room alongside her spirit and co-captain ribbons from this past season.
and the hair bows! cheerleader bows are like rabbits! they just keep multiplying! am i right? ;)

now, it wouldn't be a celebration without inviting some awesome bloggers to sew along.
hop on over to see their star cakes quilt creations:
shruti of 13 woodhouse road
rachel of PS I QUILT (you are here!)
melissa of happy quilting
tina of emily ann’s kloset
cara of that crafty cara
kim of persimmon dreams
THE one and only pat sloan ;)

we would love for you to share your #starcakesquilt or any other #FQSTop10 quilts for 2015 on instagram. (i'm rachelgriffith)
oh, and did we mention for every #FQSTop10 post you do, you will be entered for a chance to win a fat quarter shop $100 gift certificate?!
this fun contest ends january 31st and the winner will be announced on instagram on february 1st.

good luck and happy quilting!
xo, rachel

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hope blooms quilt.

13 January 2016

FQS top 10 2015
i'm back to continue fat quarter shop's celebration of their top 10 videos of 2015.
this is the second project that they asked me to join along with for this series.
today, i'm going to talk about the hope blooms quilt.

this quilt pattern was designed by it's sew emma for fat quarter shop.
there is an instructional youtube video that can walk you through the construction process.
although, the log cabin block has been done a gazillion times, in a trillion different variations, kim shows you how to make it perfectly!
meaning, no wonky or crooked lines. yes, you read that right.
the trick is using the 8" creative grids non-slip log cabin ruler.
(i could write a whole post about creative grids rulers. and i just might!)

hope blooms quilt.
i made a single block to test out this method of making a log cabin block.
(i have it placed on one of my design boards, so that's not a border and binding.)
the FREE hope blooms log cabin block pattern HERE.

i can honestly say, that i enjoy the crispness of my block.
like, it's perfect. (which is typically hard to obtain when it comes to log cabin blocks.)

hope blooms quilt.
i chose to use whites/creams as my background and greys as my color/print.
i really, really love my block.

hope blooms quilt.
i've had three thoughts:
1) keep going and make the whole quilt
2) finish this as a cutesy mini quilt
3) add this block with my birchen block to make a unique wall quilt
what do y'all think?

now, it wouldn't be a celebration without inviting some awesome bloggers to sew along.
hop on over to see their hope blooms quilt creations:
shruti of 13 woodhouse road
seema of hooks, needles, & brushes
charise of charise creates
sinta of pink pin cushion
rachel of PS I QUILT (you are here!)
julie of the crafty quilter
christopher of the tattooed quilter

we would love for you to share your #hopebloomsquilt or any other #FQSTop10 quilts for 2015 on instagram. (i'm @rachelgriffith)
oh, and did we mention for every #FQSTop10 post you do, you will be entered for a chance to win a fat quarter shop $100 gift certificate?!
this fun contest ends january 31st and the winner will be announced on instagram february 1st.

good luck and happy quilting!
xo, rachel

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birchen quilt.

06 January 2016

FQS top 10 2015
end of the year round ups always tend to be a favorite with we creative peeps.
so it shouldn't come as a surprise that fat quarter shop wanted to highlight their top 10 videos of 2015.
they asked me to join along with a few projects.
today, i'm going to talk about the birchen quilt.

this free quilt pattern was designed by art gallery fabrics in collaboration with fat quarter shop.
there is an instructional youtube video that can walk you through the construction process.
i don't know what i would've done without the video. not even kidding.

i'm stepping completely out of my comfort zone with today's project. also, i'm ridiculously in love with this stag/buck fabric! LOVE!!! ✂️❤️✂️ #PSIQUILT #sewingwithpsiquilt #fqsfun
i had to step completely out of my comfort zone with this project.
this design called for triangles on a roll, which was new to me. (y'all know how i love my HSTs.)
and on top of that, there were some bias edges to contend with. (which isn't my favorite task.)

i knew that i couldn't commit to making the whole quilt, so i planned to make a wall quilt.
thus far, i've made one block.

birchen quilt.
i'm thinking that i might stick to just this block, instead of making 4 for a larger mini quilt.
i love the simplicity of this one block with the contrast between the cream and white fabrics.
i think it gives the design a bit more depth.
but seeing as i'm a woman, i could change my mind and make the other 3 blocks. HA.

now, it wouldn't be a celebration without inviting some awesome bloggers to sew along.
hop on over to see their birchen quilt creations:
shruti of 13 woodhouse road
rachel of PS I QUILT (you are here!)
angie of gnomeangel

we would love for you to share your #birchenquilt or any other #FQSTop10 quilts for 2015 on instagram. (i'm @rachelgriffith)
oh, and did we mention for every #FQSTop10 post you do, you will be entered for a chance to win a fat quarter shop $100 gift certificate?!
this fun contest ends january 31st and the winner will be announced on instagram february 1st.

good luck and happy quilting!
xo, rachel

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